I have 5 unfinished posts sitting in my drafts folder. If you’re wondering why I haven’t posted in a while, that’s the reason. Despite this fact, I just googled “how to write a memoir” as though I am a legit writer. If I can’t even maintain consistent blogging, am I really a writer?
As a mom, even as a [former and soon-to-be] wife, I feel like this is the type of question with which I often wrestle. I could easily phrase it as, “am I really more than just a mom and/or a wife?” I’m confident that I’m not alone in this, although depending on your worldview, you might feel it’s your duty to embrace your identity as a wife or a mother above all else. I guess I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want to model for my littles. Do I want to portray their options in adulthood as being limited by their decision to love people other than themselves enough to share their lives with them? Please understand that this is not a judgment on stay-at-home moms AT ALL! I am so thankful for the years I spent at home with my babies. That being said, I’m in this place where I wonder if it’s okay to have my own dreams and goals…
Does it make me a less devoted mom that I want to pursue some things I have envisioned doing since I was a little girl? I don’t understand why it feels so selfish to want to find gratification in anything other than my family. It shouldn’t be the unforgivable mom sin to want to do more than shut off the lights in the same three rooms multiple times a day (am I right?). I want the freedom to admit that I’m not as good at being a homemaker as a lot of the women I know. Between mental illness and general personality traits, I find that I struggle a lot with being a good “traditional” mom. But I fiercely love my children, and anyone who disagrees on that fact can fight me (verbally, because I don’t like physical altercations).
Maybe what I should be exploring is the best way for me to be a kickass mom AND a writer. By the way, I joined the PTO. I guess I’m the secretary and maybe even the future president. Do you think they’ll still want me when they find out that I basically hate cooking and love to use colorful language? I mean, it’s not like I’m going to drop the F bomb at the meetings or anything. It should be fine. So anyway, I think I want to be a writer.