Nothing cuts a
mom woman down like comparison. It is impossible to meet a standard that changes more than my two girls change clothes!
I spent the first 9ish years of motherhood trying to be a “good” mom. What the hell does that even mean?? If we are honest, most of our measures for parenting success are subjective. A wise woman once told me that nothing cures you of being judgmental quite like going through a divorce. It was when I was so broken and bruised, trying to survive, that I let go of this need to gain stamps of approval on my mothering.
I’m a damn good mom. You know how I know that? Because I love my kids, and I do my best for them.
There are two things I hope to achieve in helping to mold these little people:
- That they would know, without any doubt, that they are loved and lovable.
- That they would love others.
If this seems like some hippy dippy tree-hugging mantra, oh well! Because here’s the thing- I want to do my part to not add to the asshole population of this world. The rest of their narratives will be written by them. I have no interest in setting my kids up to live their lives by the standards of others (something I know all too well), but I want them to embrace their unique passions and purpose.
Whether we like it or not, our children learn best by observing us. My kiddos are probably going to have a colorful and expressive vocabulary. I’m not going to raise confident kids if I spend all of my time judging my failings as their mom. It is with this realization that I call for a movement of moms who accept each other as-is! [insert disclaimer excluding abusive and neglectful moms here]
In case you’re reading this and wondering how this translates to real life, I’ll give you an example. I LOVE writing. Next to running, it is my favorite form of self-care. I also enjoy reading what other people are writing, especially other moms. I came across this post on Scary Mommy and at first, I felt defensive. This writer was not only challenging something I do on a regular basis, but she had actual statistics to back up her opinion. Why is she judging me?? <– That was my literal thought when I read that post. It makes me chuckle now- this chick doesn’t know who I am! If anything, she’s doing the same thing that I’m doing by sharing her raw life experiences. Seriously, I don’t know her at all (she doesn’t even follow me on Twitter), but she seems like someone who is also trying to not be a generally shitty person.
My point is, I can respect someone else’s position without feeling shamed by it. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll feel the way she does about making mom wine jokes [spoiler alert: that post gives an argument for why we shouldn’t]. This is my official call to my fellow moms- give yourself a break! And remember: we all make mistakes and that’s why we all need to fight for healthcare access so that we can all go to therapy!