Nothing cuts a mom woman down like comparison. It is impossible to meet a standard that changes more than my two girls change clothes!
I spent the first 9ish years of motherhood trying to be a “good” mom. What the hell does that even mean?? If we are honest, most of our measures for parenting success are subjective. A wise woman once told me that nothing cures you of being judgmental quite like going through a divorce. It was when I was so broken and bruised, trying to survive, that I let go of this need to gain stamps of approval on my mothering.
I’m a damn good mom. You know how I know that? Because I love my kids, and I do my best for them.
There are two things I hope to achieve in helping to mold these little people:
- That they would know, without any doubt, that they are loved and lovable.
- That they would love others.
If this seems like some hippy dippy tree-hugging mantra, oh well! Because here’s the thing- I want to do my part to not add to the asshole population of this world. The rest of their narratives will be written by them. I have no interest in setting my kids up to live their lives by the standards of others (something I know all too well), but I want them to embrace their unique passions and purpose.
Whether we like it or not, our children learn best by observing us. My kiddos are probably going to have a colorful and expressive vocabulary. I’m not going to raise confident kids if I spend all of my time judging my failings as their mom. It is with this realization that I call for a movement of moms who accept each other as-is! [insert disclaimer excluding abusive and neglectful moms here]
In case you’re reading this and wondering how this translates to real life, I’ll give you an example. I LOVE writing. Next to running, it is my favorite form of self-care. I also enjoy reading what other people are writing, especially other moms. I came across this post on Scary Mommy and at first, I felt defensive. This writer was not only challenging something I do on a regular basis, but she had actual statistics to back up her opinion. Why is she judging me?? <– That was my literal thought when I read that post. It makes me chuckle now- this chick doesn’t know who I am! If anything, she’s doing the same thing that I’m doing by sharing her raw life experiences. Seriously, I don’t know her at all (she doesn’t even follow me on Twitter), but she seems like someone who is also trying to not be a generally shitty person.
My point is, I can respect someone else’s position without feeling shamed by it. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll feel the way she does about making mom wine jokes [spoiler alert: that post gives an argument for why we shouldn’t]. This is my official call to my fellow moms- give yourself a break! And remember: we all make mistakes and that’s why we all need to fight for healthcare access so that we can all go to therapy!
Therapy is the best! Seriously. It ranks right up there with an over-due massage and chocolate.
I don’t know what I would do without it! Since we’re in a busy season of life, I have been using Better Help to connect with a therapist remotely and I have had a great experience.