Hard Pass on the Elf

Elf on the Shelf. Otherwise known as my favorite holiday dose of mom guilt. Because obviously I’m lacking Christmas spirit if I don’t want to scare my kids into good behavior for the month of December by threatening them with a creepy little spy. I’ve gathered that many people think these little dolls are cute, but my fear of dolls runs deep. First, there was the lifelike doll my childhood friend had, which she proudly professed came to life at night. *shiver* Then, there were the numerous episodes of Are You Afraid of the Dark that featured demonic dolls. Lastly, was my introduction to the Chucky movies by my cousin, which lead to me still not being able to stand in Spencer’s Gifts in the mall because they have legit Chucky dolls who are always watching for new targets. So I’m sorry if I just can’t embrace a self-induced “elf” invasion, but hell to the no!

The best part about this “fun” favorite of the most IG-worthy moms, is that the entire thing is dependent on my ability to remember to elaborately stage the elf. [LOL infinity] I once left my menstrual cup in for almost 2 weeks before I remembered to remove it…daily setups complete with props and a story are not gonna happen! Look kids, the elf fell asleep in his favorite spot for the 16th time.

To the moms that have this level of creativity, dedication, and memory- I applaud you. I’m not about mom shaming so please don’t mistake my personal refusal to take part in this game as a judgment on your parenting. This just isn’t my thing! Frankly, even if I wanted it to be my thing, I know I couldn’t hang. Know your strengths, right?

To the people who use their elf placement for some after dark humor- thank you. I imagine that you have to stage your elf once for meme development, then again for appropriate child viewing. Your time is appreciated, because we all need to laugh.

You do you, elf lovers! I will be admiring your handiwork via Facebook, and falling asleep throughout the Christmas season knowing the only thing I’ve forgotten to do was put the clothes in the dryer for who knows how many days.